Wednesday, October 31, 2007


I recently received this e-mail in regards to a bike that I have up for sale over on Check this e-mail out. I couldn't help but suspect something was wonky. I've added my own commentary (in red) to this letter.

How are you doing ??

Grace and Blessings to you, Great, a bible thumper. My Uncle will be celebrating his birthday very soon and i need to buy him this bike as a surprise birthday gift . Lucky uncle! Mine are lucky if they get a card and even luckier if I even send it.

I saw the advert of your bike and i was pleased with the description, I am willing to pay your final asking price of $3,000 for the bike, i think it is fair enough. Not even a dicker, haggle or swoggle?

I will not be able to come to your location to view it due to my current location, what the hell does that mean? but i will be relying on the pis pis? not sure if I want any pis cos i just moved out of Indianapolis are you sure you didn't move out of Timbucktoo cos' you can't spell! on a Volunteer relief mission to United Kingdom. relief mission to the UK?!? What the f*ck?!?! Didn't realize that the limieys were in need of relief! Haven't heard of a little place called Darfur? the flooded areas of Uganda? orphans in Cameroon? Yep, I sure bet the Poms will be happy to see you - waiting open armed at the airport whenever you arrive to save them from fish & chips & beer.

I will instruct my Financial Assistant to issued out a Cashier Check/Money Order drawn in United State you're from the US and you can't even spell United States with an "s" at the end?!?! and will surely clear in your bank without any delay and Payment will include the money for the bike + the shipping cost and other paperwork.

Therefore, there will be an excess funds on the payment, Cos i insisted to make the whole payment out at once, because you're just generous like that? I would have liked my wife to handle the payment and shiping aspect , but we are both presently out of town hence i am requesting your assistance. You have a financial assistant and a wife who takes care of your money and things?!

All you just need to do is to deposit the check in account and when the funds clear from your bank, deduct the funds for your bike and the excess funds would be sent to the shipper as i would instruct later.

I would like to state clearly that this bike will be shipped to Uncle's final destination and I have a shipper who I will designate to pick up the bike for shipment at your location, So you should not bothered with any shipping arrangement...all shipping duties and taxes will be handled by my shipper when he comes around for pickup. Let me guess, it'll go on the 4:30 autogyro?

Your details shall be forwarded to my Financial Assistant for immediate payment issuance as soon as i receive your mailing address so Your FULL NAME, CONTACT ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER should be forwarded to me so that payment can be made out to you.
Oh please, let me also include my bank account number, passwords, social insurance number, combination to my lock at the gym and the location I keep my secret stash of chocolate bars in my house.

Awaiting your honest response soon.

Yours Sincerely.
James D, N.
(*I was kind enough to leave out this guys last name - though I doubt it's the senders real name)

I'm guessing this arsehole doesn't have the first clue about bikes or that English is his first language. I don't know why he picked me . . . . alas, it was a good laugh at his vain attempt to sucker me in, spam me or get personal info out of me.

Funny thing is, I received pretty much the exact same e-mail about a month ago from someone trolling another mtb board.

Happy Halloween

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Big Ring Racing

If you already haven't heard the news on the street, there's a new cycling team in town: Big Ring Racing.

Hmmmmm . . . . sounds a tad familiar.

The mission statement is something to the affect:
  • it's a team for a laugh in response to the more hammerhead oriented teams out there,
  • requirements are along the lines of must be able crack a joke (or at least laugh at one),
  • tease and taunt others,
  • laugh at oneself,
  • like potty humor,
  • should race or attend events or intend to,
  • be a team player,
  • help with world domination,
  • be able to legibly write theirs names in the snow while urinating (the teams drug testing)
. . . . and so forth.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Fashion Police

Now, I'm no fashion expert . . . . but I know fugly when I sees it!

. . . . and this jacket that Gille is wearing is fugly!

And what's up with Stef? Now really - was it that cold you needed the ear muffs?!?
Good thing the fashion police weren't in the park yesterday, cause these two would have been taken away. Wooooooooooo woooooooooo woooooooo!

I'm fat and I eat a lot and I want donuts and I want you to put donuts in my mouth right now because I will eat you if you don't.

Mark way out front yesterday, keepin' the pace fast for a bunch of slow guys in late October.
Despite the chilly [minus one degrees celsius with the windchill (that's 30.2 F)] temperatures, it was a really nice ride in the Gats.

Saturday, October 27, 2007


Middleburn make such beautiful stuff. Check out this spider I just got. It's going on the 29'er along with a new ring. These two items are light, light, light!


Thursday, October 25, 2007

Off My Feet

Had my second set of injections for the varicose veins in my right leg today after work. All bandaged up from my toes to my knee. Good news is that this is the last 'big' injection of foam (that's what they called it today!) for my right leg and should pretty much shrink the big ugly vein AND I only have to be bandaged for three days, and keep the exercise levels low for just a week. The bad news, it's supposed to get pretty painful in the next couple of days and fugly for about two - good thing it's not bathing suit season, cause whatever would I do!?!

They're going to start the next round on my left leg in early December and will finish it off in the new year. What's freaky is that you're not allowed to fly for two weeks after the procedure. I wonder why? Maybe I'd blow up from the expanse of the 'foam'.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Big Ring's ABC Adventure

My ABC adventure (clicky clicky)

Nearly fell over when I watched the movie clip. Not hard to tell cycling isn't the first thing on the brain at this time of year. Thought this was pretty funny when I saw it.

Pomp You Op

"Bonch of gurly mans . . . . that's what you are!"

I've started going back to the gym the past few weeks. I use eat, sleep and breath in the gym while in university - whether it was training for hockey or rugby, I was there. That was up until the time that I found the great outdoors.

Since then, I've gone through stints where I would go to the gym on a regular basis, usually in the fall or winter months. I decided to start back to the gym this time for two reasons: get ready for xc & skate skiing this winter and also to strengthen the body for next year's race season. I didn't do enough strength training throughout the year last fall/winter/spring. The only work I did was after spin class with Instructor Gille or whatever benefits I got from xc skiing.

I'm focusing on high rep, proper form and core strength. I have to remember to stick to the plan because it's really easy for me to get carried away and pack on the muscle - which is easy for me to do. And it's not the sexy, sleek, body builder type muscle. More like chunky, thick, bulky, farm boy muscle - not what you want if you want to speedy up those climbs.

Some hate the gym. Some find it a necessary evil. I really don't mind it and look forward to seeing some results.


Sunday, October 21, 2007

Fall Ride

A few pictures from today's ride. It was unbelievably warm out today. I don't recall a warmer October (man, just saying that made me sound like an old fart). You couldn't ask for a nicer day than today. Trails were dry and pristine, the sky was blue, and the leaves on the trees were colourful. Lots of riders out, but we seemed to be in a minority amongst the leaf watchers and dog walkers.

Lenny riding away from Boink Point.

Anthony on some nice rock armoring over a flooded section (beavers!)of trail, done by OMBA a while back.

Shawn was all about doing some free-riding and hucking and . . . .

. . . . wearing some funky early 90's style glasses.

Peter splitting the "V" tree.


Saturday, October 20, 2007

Donut Loving Fatties

So it seems that people are ridding as much as they are stuffing donuts into their pie holes (or donut holes, to each his own). Here's the final score:
  • riding 4-5 times a week = 4
  • riding 2-3 times a week = 3
  • riding 1-2 times a week = 10
  • eating donuts instead = 20 . . . . . that's 54% of people who voted!

Friday, October 19, 2007

Naked Ergon Grip Review

I've been using these grips now since about the end of May this year. I bought them because I heard a lot of good things coming out of the endurance race scene in the States. I thought that I'd give them a try and have been very happy with that decision ever since.

I bought the GP1 Grips for about thirty (Canadian) bones. Comparable to what you'd pay for a good set of lock-on grips. These aren't the lightest grips that Ergon make, but they were the cheapest and the only ones available at the place I bought them from here in Ottawa. Apparently, Ergon has redesigned and tweaked most all of their line of grips for this coming season and are supposed to release them soon.
I hope to get my hands (pun intended) on one of the new sets for '08 - they'll be perfect for the BC Bike Race that Mark and I are doing.

I run a 1x9, so I don't have a front derailleur and need the long version of the grip on my left side. I run a grip shifter for the rear derailleur, so needed the shorty. The guy at the shop let me take one grip from one package so that I could customize my set up. Was very happy about this cause I didn't want to cut one down. Although, sounds like guys (and gals) are doing this and it doesn't cause problems.

You can see that towards the end of the grip there is a large platform. It felt right from the beginning, but took a little getting used to, especially on technical single track when you really want a good grip on the bars. However, after my first ride, I felt like I had been riding with the grips for years.

The angle adjustment needs to be set according to what feels right for you - takes a minute to figure it out. Ergon also makes suggestions for proper set up.

I was experiencing wrist and hand pain on my longer training rides that I'd do leading up to my solo 24 hour races, while using regular grips. As soon (no lie!) as I switched, the pain was gone and I didn't experience it again. They offer a few different ways to hold the grips while riding and the support platform makes a very noticeable difference in your comfort, especially on those long rides.

Grab (another pun) a set today!

*Ergon is a company out of Germany that has recently broken into the North American market. The also make packs and gloves that are very unique in their design. Check them out here.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

'Loser Cruiser'

Today's 'journey' to work was quite opposite to yesterday's commute.

Today I took the bus. A couple of reasons. One, it was going to rain and I don't have rain gear that will keep me dry and warm at this time of season. Two, had a staff meeting at different school right after work. Three, my piece of shit car is on day two at the mechanics (which is completely another aggravating and stressful story).

Day started out in a mad rush to begin with . . . . we slept through the alarm clock. Normally we're up around 6am and out the door to work by 7:25am. Today I woke up to "Shit!" coming out of my wife's mouth (someone who hardly ever swears!) - so I knew something was wrong.

"Fuck" comes out of my mouth (I, on the other hand, swear like a drunk'n sailor) as I bleary-eyed look at my watch, which read 7:05am. To keep this shorter than the actual version of the recount, I got my ass out the door and walking towards the bus stop on Carling 35 minutes later.

About 100 metres to the stop and by bus flies by. "Fuck". End up standing around the bus stop for another 15 minutes listening to music on my ipod trying to remain calm. Inside I'm about to explode. I hate the bus. I loath the bus. I despise the bus.

Don't get me wrong . . . . I would rather see people taking the bus and not their cars, saving the environment, keeping the roads less busy. Ottawa has got a great transit system. I just don't want to be one of the ones riding the bus - it ain't for me. I hate crowds, I don't like people touching me, I don't like people, I like quiet in the morning, I don't like feeling like a cow being corralled aboard a huge piece of metal taking me off to be slaughtered. Leave me the flip alone in the morning.

The bus is also a huge behemoth piece of machinery and metal that travels at high speeds and generally shows a lack of respect and road width for me as a cyclist. Riding it I feel like I am sleeping with the devil to some degree.

My horrible experience this morning only deepened my hatred of my fellow man. It may sound like I am looking down on most of the riders of the bus, and that's only because I am. I hate you all and I am better than you. You suck. I never want to see any of you again!

My final fairwell to the bus and bus riders:

Daily bus riders . . . . I am happy for you that you have found a place where you feel comfortable enough to sit spread eagle as I sit beside you with my legs so tightly pressed together that I almost squeeze my man juices out of my nuts so that you have enough room to lounge comfortably.

Daily bus rider . . . . thank you for not bathing this morning, or yesterday or the day before. I'm not sure why you think it's totally acceptable to live and work in a society smelling like you keep a smelly bag of shit in your pants cause it feels nice next to your grubby, greasy soiled body.

Daily bus rider . . . . how did you know that I wanted to listen to you trivial dribble drabble cell phone conversation with whoever the fugg you found it so necessary to engage in boistorous , joviale giddiness so early in the morning. I'm glad that you thought the entire bus wanted to hear your entire empty conversation.

Daily bus rider . . . . please turn up the music that you're listening to - rap-a-lap-a, hip hop, bling-a-ding dance shit is just what I wanted to listen to first thing (or ever) in the morning. Despite sitting at the back of the bus with your gangsta friends while I sit near the front, thanks for turning it up just for me. You da bomb.

Daily bus rider . . . . saying your sorry for stepping on my feet must be a social faux pas. Why would you take responsibility for your actions. I'm sorry for placing my feet under your shoes.

Daily bus rider . . . . that's awesome that you smoke. You look wicked cool. James Dean would be envious of your coolness. I also appreciate breathing in the second hand smoke that was previously inside of your blackened lungs. Can't wait to catch up with you on the oncology floor. Good times, great taste.

Dear bus driver . . . . thanks for letting me know that my commute via shit tube would take only one and a half hours and make me 45 minutes late for work. I enjoyed every minute of your diesel motioned torture amongst society's dregs and misfits.

This shitty, shitty commute only made me feel a deeper sense of gratitude for being able to commute by bike to work. I only feel pity for all those on the bus who never have and probably never will experience riding a bike to work.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

My Morning Commute

Left the house

over to and through Hampton Park

up Island Park

across Carling

through Experimental Farm
across the locks over the canal

cut through Carleton

pass by the Ottawa Tennis club

to and up Bank

get on the bike path at Riverside

up Pleasant and across St Laurent to work

then cleaned up for the day.

*To see my ride home, scroll up

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Stainless Steel Bike

My friend Adam stopped by the house on the weekend to show me the stainless steel bike that he built for his mother. Adam didn't want to be constricted to the traditional form of bicycle. . . . bah, who needs stinking triangles?! So he pieced this unique bike together using stainless steel and brass (for some of the braze-ons). He had some old parts lying around to get it up and running. This is his second bike that he has built. Very cool Adam!
See the rest of the pictures here.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Pissing contest?

Just got this from Steve. Ouch!
Bruise pictures are coming out of the woodwork. Looks like this is turning into a "Who has the biggest bruise" contest. This sort of contest is just the thing for you S&M types.
No prizes kids, just bragging rights.

Doozy Bruisey Day 4

Four days after the first injection. The doctor is doing the leg in sections - the upper first. You can see the veins to the left. Fugly.
Not to be outdone . . . . Peter sent me a picture of his little bruise. I'm finding out that he's a tad bit competitive - good to know before BC next June.

Apparently it happened in a figure skating competition - him and his partner (male) collided whilst doing a double salcow, followed by a tricky double toed lutz.

Don't worry . . . their sequenced outfits weren't harmed in the accident.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Naked WTB Rocket V Stealth Review

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. Saddles. We spend most of our time on them, but neglect to give them a lot of thought until they hurt.

I love the WTB Rocket V saddle. I have them on all my bikes (except my road bike). I've been using them exclusively for about three years.

When you spend 24 hours on a bike racing, your saddle NEEDS to be comfortable. Racing for that long, you'll not be able to think about anything other than how sore your arse is when you have an uncomfortable saddle. Fortunately for me, I've never had that problem using this saddle.

I dig the grooved out, contoured centre.

Titanium rails - keeps the weight down low. Leather sides make it easy to get off the saddle or slide back when coming into a technical section. Never a rip or a tear in any of the many I've owned.

Wide enough in the back, even for a fat ass like me!

Naked bike gear reviews . . . . you know where to find them.

Doozy Bruisey Day 3

Looking pretty ripe today.