Friday, June 12, 2009

Coconuts and Numbnuts

Coconuts -
Curvy Butt and the VV put me on to coconut water for a remedy for cramping. I've always suffered from cramping, but managed to keep it under something resembling control by a conscious effort at drinking regularly. I also take calcium/magnesium supplements twice daily, which I've found has taken the edge off. But still, I get cramps from time to time.

So this weekend I'll be carrying a bottle of it with me to sip on throughout the race. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. Might get a placebo affect. Whatever. If it gets me across the line faster and in first place, I won't be disappointed. Anything less than first and I'm quiting biking and will make it my life long mission to rid the world of coconuts.

That being said, coconut water has a lot going on for it. It is biologically pure, full of natural sugars, salts, and vitamins which help ward off fatigue. And check this out . . .

"It's a natural isotonic beverage, with the same level of electrolytic balance as we have in our blood. It's the fluid of life, so to speak." In fact, during the Pacific War of 1941-45, both sides in the conflict regularly used coconut water - siphoned directly from the nut - to give emergency plasma transfusions to wounded soldiers.

Freak'in crazy. So, if I crash mid-race or get ambushed by the enemy (you know who I'm talking about) and need a transfusion, I'm set.

Numbnuts -
My mother-inlaw (Jeannie Beanie) says, "We tease the ones we love." How true. I always tease my wife - sometimes too much. She knows I do it because it's my way of showing her how much I care.

If that expression is true, then I guess the Dark Lord himself is ass over kettle for me. He's got smack and trash talk going on here and here.

At first I thought he was suffering from low self-esteem. We all know people who deep down feel insecure about themselves babble on and on and on. Make enough noise, point fingers at others . . . . anything to take the spot light off yourself.

I don't think that's the case with Peter. Like I said above, I think he's in love with me. Perhaps he fjears me a little bit. Maybe he's worried about me spanking him this weekend. But deep down, I think it's just love.

I hope that he'd just make up his mind, asks me to the prom before someone else does and gives me a pretty pink corsage to ride.

Words. They need to be backed up by some substance. For his sake, I do hope Peter beats me this weekend at the Marathon Challenge Race #2 and I think he's got a good shot. He's invested a lot of time, energy, sleepless nights, time in the mirror trying to style his hair (or what's left of it) like mine and so on preparing for it and smack talking me. If he fails to beat me . . . . well, it won't be pretty.

Peter - "I can't seem to find my vagina."

Good luck &
no pressure.


The Vegan Vagabond said...

I have one piece of advice.
Whatever you do, keep Peter away from your coconuts.

Anonymous said...

I love nuts.
Did you see the new shamwow smasher thing commercial - "you'll love my nuts"

Ah coconuts. When I was down in the carribean I found a home on an island with huge mountains away from human existance. Just me, a cow, a hen and a bunch of coconuts.
Life would be good there.

Too bad we can't grow them here. But, I can get a kick to the nuts.
And, my nuts get stone cold in the winter. In the summer, I like to expose my nuts to the elements.

feeling the "bonk"? Take viagra. Get a bone on and get all hyper and shit.

Anonymous said...

"siphoned directly from the nut - to give emergency plasma transfusions to wounded soldiers."

that's kind of interesting.
They say humans have evolved from the seas.,_Germs,_and_Steel

they say we have evolved from a single cell ameoba to something that can swim in the oceans. The thing evolved to land as it search for food. Slowly, it evolved legs to get to the land. Then arms to fetch from the trees.
Perhaps every food helped to evolve the human body more and more.
Perhaps coconuts is one of these evolutionary things?

I really don't want to know where we are evolving to next.
It's not going to be nice.
I don't think we are evolving anymore.

Peter Keiller said...

i'm coockoo for coconuts.

it is written, baby Jesus (Howard by thy name) made each of us in his own image.
all this talk of evolutions makes me fear for the collective souls of humanity.

Big Bikes said...

Let me know if you end up going on a life long mission to rid the world of coconuts...cuz I hate the damn things and I will join you. I would rather drink my own piss than that stuff, hell, I'd rather drink monkey piss out of a dead rhinoceros' crusty, poopy, dead butt.

One of the sponsors of the NYC MTB race was a coconut water company. I grabbed one of their drinks out of the cooler after the race, having no idea what I was getting into, I was super-dehydrated and just downed the thing - then proceeded to nearly vomit.

Coconut Jihad!

Anonymous said...

I friggen love coconuts!
I say more coconuts.
You haven't tasted coconuts unless you have been down around the equator.

We don't have coconuts up here. The stores don't even carry the good stuff.

You go down to places around the equator. Then you'll be tasting a good coconut.

god bless coconuts.
god bless my nuts.

like the fella on the commercial says "you'll like my nuts"!

I love taking a coconut bath.