Friday, October 30, 2009

Most of you . . .

. . . . were right. And no surprise if you put two and two together.

If you're ever given the opportunity to particiapte freely in a pepper spray deomonstration, take my advice and turn it down. In fact run away.

If you're on the bitter side of John Law (take note future drunken participants of the upcoming Destalk AntiRace) who is feeling a little trigger happy with the extent and reach of his judicial powers and slightly trigger happy on his issued can of OC spray . . . run away and don't look back.

I can honestly say, and in my humble opinion, from the stand point of someone who has had numerous painful injuries, lacterations, concussions, rectal exams (wooo weeee you've got long fingers doc!), broken bones, pulled & strained muscles and legaments, a few surgeries, broken hearts and hurt egos . . . to date, being sprayed is in my top five most painful and uncomfortable experiences I have ever had.

Think: liquid thorns in combination with the worse sunburn you've ever had mulitplied by ten and throw in a good dousing of battery acid to top it all off . . . mix it all up in an areosol cannister, shake and have someone apply liberal amounts across your eyes (from ear to ear) at seven feet away. Good times, good times indeed.

Took me three hours to get my eyes in a somewhat open manner. The intensity of the spray causes something called acute hyperventalation syndrome - in other words it takes your breath away without even having to breath it in (more of a psychological occurance due to the extreme pain it causes). My eyes were swollen, bloodshot and sore for two days.

It was more painful than watching this famous interview.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Destalk AntiRace

Misfit Psycles Destalk AntiRace . . . .personally I prefer The Peter Keiller Appreciation Day Race.
I really do appreciate Peter Keiller - so much so I double checked the spelling of his last name before publishing this.

I know that if I don't attend this event feelings will be hurt. The Empire is a sensitive organizational power built on low self-esteem and the need to be recognized, acknowledged and loved by all.

Personally, I know that the only reason my attendance is requested is Peter wants a quazi police presence and someone with more legal knowledge (especially those offences dealing with public drunken'ness) than the average bear to help bail out Misfit members from the local drunk tank and rescuing dirty, mtn bike dirt bags from the clutches of John Law. Let it be known, I have as much knowledge and authority as a chocolate cop - no use of force options will be present . . . just my sheer sexiness.

My free time has been at a premium the past couple of months, and will continue to be so until the beginning of December. Since June of 2000, cycling has never taken a back seat to much of anything (ask my wife!). Alas, visions of sugar-plums dancing in my head and dreams of cracking down on traffic violators have influenced me to chase my goal. Thus my absence from the cycling blog-o-sphere and single track as of late.

This Vs. her . . . .

Time spent with a bunch of dirty, drunken mtn bikers or my little Peanut . . . . not a tough decision.

HOWEVER . . . .
In a death-de-fying feat of multitasking management skills, I have attempted to schedule (that's with a strong "schhhh" sound at the front) this AntiRace. With family somewhat in the neighbourhood of this galactic event, I should be able to swing taking part in most, if not all, of this schwin-dig. Be it known, I have a 39 hour pass from full immersion in becoming the next Sheriff Lobo and I hope the Empire appreciate my presence (90% certain - I still have to check with my wife!) - so much that I may even receive a little sumthang sumthang for my efforts - like a new sticker for my down tube.
And with the promise of soccer moms in attendance, how could I say "No!" ?

Thursday, October 22, 2009

No Apologies

Seems my poetry the other day made a few of you uncomfortable. Can't understand why. I had more complaints (I didn't publish a few of them - some of them were pretty lame) in the comments section and even an e-mail about some touchy feely poetry . . . . more complaints then when I take my clothes off for 'naked reviews'. Go figure. Guess you all are a little freaky like that.
Alas, my somber rhetoric and meloncholy poem (not to be confused with my melon calling) 'twas only an outlet for my longing to ride my bicyclette. That is all. That is it. I'm glad it made your testes shrink into your body (unless of course you are a woman . . . ) in uncomfortable'ness - like watching a guy kick hoofed in the cubes. "Oooooooo, that gots to hurt."
Personally, I thought it was damn creative. Wish I had skills (even skillz with a Z) in my creative writing English class back in my university days . . . . you didn't think my creative writing flowed naturally did you?

Anywho . . . my poetic style made me think of happier fall days . . . last October for instance . . .

miles of smiles

blew off work one Friday to go riding all by my lonesome

one of my first prize give aways happened this time last year - lucky winners received autograped photos of me - LUCKY!

caressed and ate some bacon

got my segway license

and rode my bike

**a prize to the first person who can tell me the rhyming pattern or poetic device [or modified poetic device - hint, hint] that I used in my awesome poem the other day**

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

stuck inside all day
studying and learning
thinking about my bike
it's hard to breath
trapped between four concrete walls
sun and clear skies lost
books, paper, academics
before me I stare blankly
distracted by thoughts
my mind goes to trails
familiar and favourite
ridden many times

etched into my brain
to be ridden anytime
so effortlessly
my riding legs gone
but still crave to be on trail
this is but temporary
Fall will soon be gone
memories of single track
out of reach for me

Sunday, October 18, 2009

12 Hrs in Photos

If you have a moment to spare from eating, sleeping, working, riding, picking your nose, wiping your butt, shopping on the interweb, and otherwise busy life, check out this blog: 12hrs in Photos.
My good friend Jerome set this up a while back, and I missed out on the first installment. Unfortunately, I'll be missing out on this one as well - waaaaaaaay too busy to take any photos . . . . and if I did, they'd be all of the same thing as I study for mid-terms. Being slightly illiterate and lazy, I don't like to read text rich blogs as I have the attention span of a retarded gnat. Photos are easy to look at, are interesting and take no effort on my part to register in one of my brain-ial lobes that I carry upon my shoulders.
While not specifically a bike related blog, by the nature of the folks that Jerome knows, you'll find lots of photos related to the cycling world. If you're interested in being apart of the project, check out Jerome's blog (linky above) to get in touch.
Check back often over the next week or so as folks upload their photos.

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Up to my armpits in studying. Midterms next week.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Something is missing

Something is missing this year . . . . besides my lack of riding. Around this time last year, Lenny (aka fatass Dr. Phil) helped me put on the O.P.R.A.H. Turkey Time Trial. Fun event, tooken place out in the South March Highlands in Kanata.

Unfortunately, due to my life altering change of plans, it didn't happen this year. It would have been a fun event this weekend to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving (yes, my American friends, we too have Thanksgiving sans Pilgrims).

I am promising to have this event running again next year. It was for free and for fun, for shits and giggles. I don't recall the last time I got any fun for free and any giggles with my shits. I can't wait til next year to do both at the same time.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

Fyi . . . pumpkin pie is my most favourite of the pies. If anyone wants to send me one I'd be more than happy to receive. I ate it for breakfast this morning too.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Suffering from lack of regularity

I ran yesterday, not far, just a wee bit over 6km in a fun run to help raise funds for MS. My knees, surprisingly enough, did not break or bend after the fourth km. I haven't run 6 km in just about ten years - seriously. Why the fuck would I want to run?!?! Why run anywhere when you can ride? When I run my teeth feel like they are going to fall out, it hurts my legs, it's boring, and it's slow (yes, I am a slow runner). Despite being a bit of a boat anchor when it comes to running, I managed to keep a steady pace and finished in just under a scorching 34 minutes.

The event was for a good cause AND we were forced to run it. Meh. In the event there were numerous people walking, running, rollerblading and biking. Lots of kids on big heavy Walmart and Canadian Tire bikes . . . created some jealousy in me and made me miss my bikes.

Thinking about my bike while I ran, I tried to come up with something to jot down for the blog-o-sphere. Nadda. Zipp. Zero. Poop. I've got no flow, no creativity to blog about much, nothing bike related, let alone time to do it. No pictures to upload, no stories or races to tell. No products to report on. No nothing. I feel as if my humor (or lack thereof) and ability to string together a few words into something somewhat comprehensible and entertaining is missing. I feel as far away from the biking world as you can imagine.

Alas, this too shall pass and I'll be back to regularity in a couple of months or so. Thanks for coming back to check on the blog - hopefully I'll get something worthy of coming back for in the next day or two. Cheers.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Somekind of wonderful

A few weeks ago I was contacted by the fine folks at POM Wonderful to try out their pomegranate juice. I had tried it a couple of years ago and remembered that it was good, real good. But I don't think that I was aware of all the health benefits: cardio vascular, prostate health, antioxidant superpowers, and erectile function (hoo-haa). They even have a blog.
It's a tasty juice and immediately upon drinking only a half a bottle I felt that I had super human powers.
The fine folks of Pom Wonderful sent me some coupons. And being the good guy I am and liking to give things away via my blog, here's a little contest for you.

First two folks who e-mail me (address is over there under my profile info ----->) or comment on the blog (with their info attached) win a coupon for a free bottle (which, by the way, retails for like $4.99 Cdn $ - coupon is also valid in the US of A).

Here's what you have to tell me:

- click on the Misfits Psycle store link (over there ------>) and find three different items that Peter sells.