Friday, March 26, 2010

If I can't be fast, I may as well look fast

My Desalvo dressed in white screams that I am faster than you. Not only am I faster than you, I am better than you. You don't exist in my world.

In an attempt to be somewhat faster on the bike this year I recently swapped saddle, bar tape, and housing to all white. Seems that all the fast guys have white stuff on their bike . . . so my logic leads me to believe that it's not really fitness, skill, genetics, drugs, coaching, and hard work that make you faster, but rather WHITE stuff on your *bike that does. Makes perfect sense to me.

Now to complete the ensemble all I need is a pure Euro white race kit. If it doesn't have the world cup rainbow stripes on it, no worries - I'm sure I'll get those later when I start winning races. What's important is that I am dressed head to toe in white. That also gives me total justification not to smile, acknowledge or wave to anyone (who I'm not riding with) on rides in the Park. I guess all that I have to do now is shave my legs. 'Whatever it takes to get . . . .pffft, look faster,' is what I say.

Unfortunately, instead of portraying the image of the quick, skinny roadie I'm more likely to look like this:

Oui oui!

Vertical stripes! Vertical stripes are the answer - aren't they supposed to make you look thin?

* if you're Tom Boonen white stuff up your nose can also make you faster.



Peter Keiller said...

i won't buy your stuff because that frame sucks penguins.
the rest of it...well i don't know where to begin but i'm pretty sure that it has been in contact with your hairy sack and i have no interest in putting them in my mouth.

rick is! said...

white bar tape is the worst. can't keep that shit clean. there is a reason toilet paper is white. not because it's naturally that way but because you can see if there is more mooky stink to go.

Golonghardman said...

Is that what the rainbow is all about, " world cup" I heard it was for.....nevermind