Thursday, December 9, 2010

Jebus Loves You

. . . and so do I.

Four years of sponsorship and not one custom decal was ever made in my honor. Yes, I know . . . shocking. My father use to say, "If you don't toot your own horn, nobody else will." I guess that could mean a lot of different things . . . . I always took it as, "If you don't let the world know how great you are no one will do it for you." Well, I've never been one to brag, and I'm not about to start now.

So for lack of a better segway, "If you don't make your own custom decal in your honor, no one will do it for you." Drum roll please . . .


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Ta daaa . . .

Okay, let me explain a little bit before all you religious zealots raise your pitchforks, organize yourselves together into an angry mob and go on the hunt for me. This all came about accidentally. Late one night, couldn't sleep, surfing the interweb, saw somewhere a link to a Canadian company with a website that you could make your own stickers fairly cheaply and easily. Wasn't really interested in doing so cause having your own sticker when you are not affiliated with a company or nothing . . . well that just smells of complete and utter egotism and self-absorption (wait, did I mention that I have a blog?!).

Boredom and insomnia led to the creation.

Really, when you make your own sticker, put Jebus' face on it and your name. . . well, that's right up there with Oasis's claim that they were bigger than The Beatles, who incidentally said that they were bigger than Jesus, thus making the former larger than the bearded Christian Deity (for the record I hate Oasis and Liam & Nolel Gallagher, who in my opinion are a couple of silly, self absorbed wankers).

However, pomposity is the furthest thing from the truth . . . where in actual fact it's more of a humbling thing for me. Ride. Your. Bike. Dumbass. was more of a message to myself. I need to ride my bike more, and I am a dumbass. Simple, dimple, pimple. It started out as a sticker that I was going to make for myself for shits and giggles, then turned into something bigger than Jesus (there I go again tooting my own horn). Who knew.

The whole Jebus thing? Well, can you imagine Jebus calling you a 'dumbass'? No!?! I can. I mean I can imagine him calling me one. But, he still loves me. And I got to remember to love myself too.


So here's how it's going to work if you want one:

Firstly, send me a self addressed, stamped envelope OR if you're a local get a hold of me to arrange a pick-up. Sorry, no deliveries.
* you can find my e-mail address (over there dummy ------->) to get in contact and I will send you my snail mail address.

Secondly, you must either join my "Followers" (which I have re-instated for the holiday season) or, if you are already a follower, find someone else to join, or make up a false identity and join. I don't really care . . . . what matters here people are numbers, large numbers to make me feel better about myself. I don't belong to Crackbook so I can't go trolling any other way for ways of gaining false numbers of true friends. And this is where the creation of the sticker really took on a form of it's own - it is meant as a 'thank you' for all of you have been reading for the past few years. And a means to bribe others to follow the blog. Meh. Whatever it takes.
* you must prove to me that someone has joined my list of follower or no Jebus love for you.

Thirdly, if you don't want to join my list of followers and don't want to recruit someone to join, nor want to falsify an identity AND still want a sticker - it will cost you $14.95, plus shipping, handling and duty.


It troubles me so much that the little man from down south can have so many followers and offers them so little. It use to be a goal of mine to get 1/3 of Richard's following.
Pfffft, now I intend to crush him under the weight of my slowly shrinking mass and my increasingly growing blog following. If I must bribe people, so be it. Not like he isn't doing the same with promising (yet hardly produces . . . and that makes him a tease) schexy photos of Sonya Looney.
I have 37, 000 stickers to give away - start the movement, start the 'following'.

I'm working on a second batch, specialty decals - scratch and sniff. Scientists are presently working night and day attempting to reproduce my sent. Let the followers line up.

15 comments:

rick is! said...

so all of us followers who have been suffering in silence all these years don't get our just desserts? Instead we have to trick someone else into reading??? doesn't seem fair!

rick is! said...

and why isn't the "canadian company with a website" not linked? I, also, have sticker ideas.

the original big ring said...

Such a whinner.
Oh, how silly of me . . . of course all my 'current followers' will get one - envelope please!

Sticker company: sticker you

rick is! said...

I would have no blog if it wasn't for whining. work with what you've got!

the original big ring said...

you want one or not . . . 37,000 are going to go quickly

Peter Keiller said...

there's Barlow...
I still hate you for centre justimifying shit but...this sticker goes a long way.

Len said...

sounds like a scam... OK, I'm in.

Anonymous said...

shit, I always thought that saying - "toot your own horn" meant to fart as loud as you possibly can!

my gf bought me a bicycle jesus along with a pope on a rope.
I love them both.

bless your bike with a pound of shit.

Anonymous said...

you need some bicycle jesus bike porn!

http://churchofthetallbike.blogspot.com/

or make a calander for 2011!

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_roGVfok1lA8/TOI0EeblAyI/AAAAAAAACQw/o5WwuQSSq2Q/s1600/Calendar%2BPromo.jpg


praise jesus! Ride your bike hard! with a gotchy !

http://bicyclejesus.250x.com/

Kim said...

I feel sorry for the 'mericans. How are they supposed to manage a SASE? Maybe if they throw in a dollar bill... You have to worry about this, because I don't think there are 37,000 Canardians.

the original big ring said...

Ummmm . . . are either "Anon" or Kimberly followers?? Want a sticker??

Get on it!

Kark said...

for us locals, what part of you exactly are we supposed to "get a hold of" and how long would we have to hold on to it??

Should I have a chaperon for this? Does the missus know about this?

..I'm feeling a bit, wait, no. A lot uncomfortable with this.
ok. I'll say it.
I'm scared.
hold me.
wait. not you. Someone else. hold me..

A. Webster said...

My envelope will be in the mail Monday. I've never been a "follower" but what the heck, that sticker is hilarious!!

Kim said...

Hey, man, I'm a leader, not a follower. I'm also a luddite.

No stickers for me.

the original big ring said...

Angie, happy to send you one!

Kimberella, you Luddites are such h8trs.