Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Kettle Chips and The Negotiator = Fail

I've been doing pretty well with this whole nutrition thing.
Like I've said before, I AM NOT ON A DIET. Diets DO NOT WORK!!
WHY AM I YELLING?!?!

I've never been an unhealthy eater . . . what I mean is I've never regularly bought junk food, eaten large amounts of food with empty calories, had my face up on the wall at the local McDonald's as 'customer of the month', ever bought pop in quantities more than a can at a time, purchased nor received monthly news letters detailing upcoming specials at every burger & pizza joint in Eastern Ontario, and food delivery drivers don't know me by my first name. Like most, I have on occasion eaten unhealthy, but it's not something that I frequently practice. My main problems have been the types of foods and quantities that I put into my body. We buy healthy food, it's just I eat too much of it, at the wrong times and in the wrong proportions - too much of a good thing isn't good for you.
"Oh, look . . . two pounds of dark chocolate covered almonds! I hear that dark chocolate is good for your heart, almonds are natural and healthy - a good source of fiber and nutrients."
. . . micro-seconds of illogical justification and then an hour later I'm laying on the couch in front of the jumping box with an empty two pound bag of dark chocolate covered almonds on my chest in a self induced food coma with my wife standing over me poking me with a stick in disgust and anger (disgust for obvious reasons, anger because I didn't leave her one almond).


My diet plan that I haphazardly formed back in October, like my body, was a little pear shaped. I needed help and help I got with a professional and realistic nutritionist: Heather at Ottawa Nutritionist. Heather is helping by teaching me how to put a little more balance into my diet and take a little bit of curve out of my shape. It's been more of a tweak on my diet than a total and complete overhaul.

I proudly say that I've been doing really well controlling my hunger, decreasing my cravings and increasing my energy levels. It's a funny thing what eating the right things, at the right times, in the right combination's will do for you. However, I can only ask for progress, not perfection.

The other night I got off work at about 3:30 AM and was completely overwhelmed by a wicked salt craving. I had previously eaten well in the evening, but had gotten very busy towards the end of shift and didn't get a snack into me. The missed calories must have thrown me way out of whack because I would have licked the salt stains from my stinky, sweaty sweat pads in my bike helmet if I had it on me. Reason couldn't win out over instinct & sheer gasternal impulses and the car seemed to drive itself to the nearest 24 Hr convenience store on the way home despite my inner pleadings not to go. Highjacked by insatiable cravings that no hostage negotiator could ever convince to come out and let his prisoner go.

Beaten down and humbled I lay down my $3.99 for a large bag of kettle chips, tucked my tail between my legs and made my way home to eat my greasy delight in the quiet and dark solitude of my basement watching info-mericals until 4:30 in the morning.

Can you get much lower ?
Yes, I suppose you can.

However . . .
I'm happy to say that despite indulging in my late night/ear;y morning craving on the way home from work that I did not consume the entire bag of Ms Vickie's Jalapeno & Cheddar Kettle Chips, but left almost nine partial pieces in the bag, which I threw in the garbage. Which are still there. Uneaten. Two days later.


Mmmmmmmmm, rubbish bin partial pieces of jalapeno and cheddar kettle chips . . . .


Still there! Very impressive. Food of this nature laying around in my house, let alone in a garbage can & three days old, in the past would have woken me from deep sleep at 3 AM calling my name to come eat it.

Alas, I have not (yet) dug through the rubbish bin to retrieve them . . . not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind approximately thirty-seven and a half times.

Non-dietary, more of a lifestyle/nutrition tweak SUCCESS.

Pounds lost = 5lbs.
Non-dietary, more of a lifestyle/nutrition tweak setbacks = 1.

Suck it setbacks . . . suck it.


** Don't forget to vote on the mustache. (Over there dummy) ----->

6 comments:

The Evil MGE! said...

Congrats to you for losing the weight. As you lose I gain. Back up to 202 and gaining. I haven't ridden a bike in over 4 weeks and regular does of coke(of the Cola variety), Mountain Dew and 13 oz bags of Almond M&M's have been a daily ritual.

Thad S. said...

Those Jalapeno and Cheddar chips should be illegal. When I am up there, I have a major problem with the 20 new varieties of President's Choice chips as well. Greek style? Yes, please. Buffalo blue cheese? Well hello there. Good work on the (not) diet. Just keep telling yourself that.

Anonymous said...

buy all natural!

almonds and chocolate are killer/

shop at Farm boy!


Look at your sht. If your sht is loose change your diet.
Ever watch the pooh lady?


I use to work night shift in my mid-20s. Its tough. Really tough.


pack some orange slices, bannana pieces, and apple slices.


mix things up. Don't get bored with the foods.

Go to farm boy!

Anonymous said...

http://www.drstool.com/qa.php

http://www.hemorrhoidinformationcenter.com/what-is-your-stool-telling-you/

garbage in garbage out.


It doesn't get easier as you age neither. Things start to hurt.
Poop get more runny

Kim said...

Awesome! I love that you have Anonymous educating you about your poop! Now you know what to blog about all winter. And just consider the picture opportunities! Before, After!

Ahem. Yes, those chips are evil. Sacrilicious!

PS I guess if you love something, let it go. Good to see all the blogging since your blogging surrender!

the original big ring said...

Jerimiah - keep eating my friend, keep eating. Your return to the bike will be most excellent and I very much look forward and seeing you ride behind me on my next trip to CO. ; )

Thad - we are one in the same I believe. Don't know how you are not as big as a truck - love the blog!

Anonymous (Jeff) - yes, you can learn a lot from your own poo. Glad to see you are keeping things somewhat 'above the boards'.

Kim - the blog is not dead yet! So what you're saying is, if I love the mustache I should let it go, and if it grows back I should keep it? Excellent plan.

Cheers everyone!