Monday, June 15, 2009

You don't want to read another race report.

Marathon Challenge Race #2 Food Report

Friday night I was lazy and did not feel like making supper, so we ordered out. I ate a medium pizza: olives, tomatoes, salami and bacon. Yes, of course I ate the whole thing - it was only a medium . . . . I'm not light weight. I guess that's why I'm a heavy weight.

The next day I had diarrhea ALL DAY LONG. Between the bouts of explosive loose pooh, I managed somehow to get a short ride in Saturday to loosen the legs for Sunday's suffer-fest. Got packed out, threw the bike on the roof with it's skirt on, and headed out of Ottawa with the Vegan Vagabond for a pajama party at Spak's place. I felt like crippity crap the whole way, but knew that I needed to get fluids and food in my system so I'd have the energy to ride/race on Sunday.

I prefer bike "bro" or "manzier" - filled up with bugs and pollen.

Lunch - turkey, tomato, cheese and guacamole.

What's a guy to do? So, I ate . . . . and prayed that the liquid pooh fountain that seemed to gush out my ass would cease.

Some dirty, greasy, spicy Thai chips.
They were the Vegabond's and I only ate a few.
It was a five hour drive . . . . what else you going to do but eat?!

Vagabond swore that they were her secret power food for riding endurance events.

Stopped at the Karwartha Dairy in Bancroft for a small (yes, that's a small - and only for like three bucks! And yes, I ate the whole thing.) butter pecan and mocha almond fudge double scoop. Just the cure for diarrhea.

Bed time snack (yes, I ate the whole thing)

Since I suffer from cramping, I figure it has to do with all the salt I lose from sweating. You've heard of Carb Loading . . . . I call what I do, Salt Loading. It seemed to work too - no cramping on Sunday! I've been experimenting with this lately and I've been getting good results. My blood pressure is through the roof, I'm unable to get an erection, and I've suffered a minor heart attack, but it's really helped with the cramping . . . . well worth it!
I'm not saying it was the cure, to be honest I don't know what I did right - probably a combination of a bunch of things. More on that, and the actual race report tomorrow and the show down with the Dark Lord.

Did you clicky, clicky on the diarrhea links?
Yeah, I knew you would.

4 comments:

Matt Surch said...

thanks for the chuckles.
see you Wed night; that is, if you can hold your s@#t.

The Vegan Vagabond said...

thai chips were better than those damn stinky doritos!

Anonymous said...

"I'm unable to get an erection, and I've suffered a minor heart attack, but it's really helped with the cramping "

-- Do I have the cure for you boy.

stinky butt + no erection
= time to suit you up in a leather suit and treat you like my bitch.

Bandobras said...

"My blood pressure is through the roof, I'm unable to get an erection, and I've suffered a minor heart attack,"
Pfizer wants you to return their latest drug no questions asked. We're not sure how you got it but from the side effects it's obvious you have a test product and we want it returned.