Wednesday, September 21, 2011

2nd Annual Tour de Goat

Next week I fly down to Colorado. I think that the Tour de Goat is going to become an annual pilgrimage for me. What's different this year is the addition of more riders. This is an attempt to surround myself with as many people possible to suffer the effects of riding at altitude and climbing up big steep mountain sides and hopes that they will carry my stuff and ride behind me pushing my fat arse up the hills.  I was absolutely blown away by the sheer beauty and the frick'n freak'ishly fantastic trails we rode.  Can't wait to see what the Goat has in store for us this year.

The Ring Leader - a.k.a. "Goat"
Kaa Booom!  Would you follow this guy on a ride?
Physical Description - resembles a hairy, over weight Patrick Swasey without the rugged good looks
Talent - epic route navigator, finder and instill'er of painful long climbs, freak'ish descender
Weakness - spends too much time grooming facial hair, breaking bikes and eating M&Ms

The Driver - a.k.a. "Dr. Claw"
Dr Claw starts his day and ends his rides on a morphine drip.
 Physical Description - mechanical left hand, looks like your dentist
Talent - finding places to fall where most would not , teasing foreigners, and baking specialty cakes
Weakness - has a hidden crush on Carnadians

The Brains/Eye Candy - a.k.a. "Curvy Butt"
More chins than a China-Town phone book.
Physical Description - one booty'licious backside that Jennifer Lopez would be jealous over
Talent - track stands, inflating a tent from the inside with lower GI tract flatulence
Weakness - Faberge eggs, micro brewed beer and chocolate covered marshmallow brooms

The Muscle - a.k.a. "Dicky"
Why do you have a baby carrot and two raisins stuck down the front of your bib shorts?
Physical Description - skinny ass, chub sprouting, little man
Talent - coupon clipping, mooching off the bicycle industry and climbing hills
Weakness - obsessive compulsive hoarder and hears voices


Kark said...

yer forgetting yourself. "mr poopy pants"..

The Evil MGE! said...

Chops will be in full effect by the evening of the 28th. Seems the Boss, I mean the man, not the wife doesn't care for them. As a side thought, she does not either.
You and Curvy Butt get to share a bed, I know you like spooning his curves. This years landscape and trails will spark your imagination and blow your legs. In a good way, the leg blowing part. Weeeeeee!!

Unknown said...

I'm glad you're getting out to Moab (I read that somewhere). You will like the elevation in Moab much better than Crested Butte. Vive La Canada!