In an attempt to be somewhat faster on the bike this year I recently swapped saddle, bar tape, and housing to all white. Seems that all the fast guys have white stuff on their bike . . . so my logic leads me to believe that it's not really fitness, skill, genetics, drugs, coaching, and hard work that make you faster, but rather WHITE stuff on your *bike that does. Makes perfect sense to me.
Now to complete the ensemble all I need is a pure Euro white race kit. If it doesn't have the world cup rainbow stripes on it, no worries - I'm sure I'll get those later when I start winning races. What's important is that I am dressed head to toe in white. That also gives me total justification not to smile, acknowledge or wave to anyone (who I'm not riding with) on rides in the Park. I guess all that I have to do now is shave my legs. 'Whatever it takes to get . . . .pffft, look faster,' is what I say.
Unfortunately, instead of portraying the image of the quick, skinny roadie I'm more likely to look like this:
Vertical stripes! Vertical stripes are the answer - aren't they supposed to make you look thin?
* if you're Tom Boonen white stuff up your nose can also make you faster.
WHY WON"T YOU PLEASE
BUY MY STUFF, DAMN IT!?!!?