Wednesday, April 29, 2009


When I was a young punk going through post secondary schooling, get a few drinks into me, and like Forrest Gump's momma use to say, "You never know what you're going to get." Some nights/days I'd be a fun loving drunk, sometimes sloppy fall down drunk, sometimes I'd be the guy grinding away on your hip on the dance floor thinking you were my date, but most times I'd be a surly drunk looking to pick a fight.

I don't know why . . . I don't remember why . . . . I was stupid (some might say that I still am), young and I was drunk. But leave it to me to go find the biggest, meanest looking bastard in the bar and end up picking a fight with him (sometimes her). And nine times out of ten I'd end up on the floor getting the boots put to me. One time out of ten, I'd get the first shot in, miss, fall down, wet myself, and pass out. What can I say, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

I got to thinking about my drinking/fighting days on the way home from my ride yesterday. Not sure why. I was dead tired. Which, a little off topic . . . want to know a sure sign that you worked your arse off? How fast do you spin home? My cool down yesterday was pretty s-l-o-w . . . . as I was saying, I got to thinking about picking fights.

Well, I'm looking to pick a fight with the fastest, meanest bastard in the Ottawa area who will ride with me in the Gats. I'm convinced that I won't get much faster than I've been in earlier years on my own. It's easy to stop pushing yourself if you're hurting. I'm convinced that to become a better/faster rider, you need to ride with better and faster riders. [*disclaimer: that's not to say my old riding buddies are old & slow]
So, who wants to dance?

Go ahead, make my day.
Be aware, I tend to end up bringing a knife to a gun fight.

This is someone's chance to make me their beeatch. Not like in the prison sense (I don't float my boat that way sailor), but someone who regularly has a bad day and wants to kick the proverbial dog (please, kick my arse, not your dog's), someone who is into a little S&M, someone who enjoys watching someone else suffer.

I'd really rather prefer it that you're female if you are going to show for the ride dressed like this. And, I don't really want to be tied up - it's harder to pedal and breath.

I'm looking for someone who is going to push me to ride faster, work me to get up the hill, tell me what I am doing wrong, but also wait at the top. You can yell at me, you can spray me with water, you can call me names, taunt and tease.

I'm serious. Applicants please e-mail me.


Matt Spak said...

HMMMM I'm thinking road trip

Peter Keiller said...

he wants someone FASTER spak...not someone that will come all the way out talk some shite then give up before it's over...

just saying.

the original big ring said...

"he wants someone FASTER spak...not someone that will come all the way out talk some shite then give up before it's over..."


Misty said...

"prison sense"........hhhhhmmmmmm

Matt Surch said...

Most of the time when our group does a loop we throw down just as you describe. The climbs are attacked by those feeling good, and everybody gets back together at the top. Everybody either has someone to chase or someone to try to escape. I work myself over thoroughly battling Rodd and Thom (when he shows up). I find our group rides more punishing than the Grand Prix. That's good. I realize this is not a 1 on 1 deal, but its punishing just the same.

We're riding tonight if you are interested. 6:30 at the gate (this will be regular for I while I think). All other Big Ringers are welcome as well, naturally.

Anonymous said...


why be the faster?

I just take a look at all the fast riders. Soon they will break down as they hit that point of no return. When the body starts to break down.

I know of many many top athletes that have hit that point - busted knees, adrenal problems, cancer, etc...

I just want to ride to be healthy and fit.
Racing took that away and pushed me to the limits.
Not a good thing...

Ride for the enjoyment of it.
Racing takes that away.

And, fully enjoy your time with your family as well. Never loose sight of that.
Racing takes that away as well...

Anonymous said...

you should really think about getting naked though

the original big ring said...

Anonymous - that's why I race, for fun. I got caught up in racing a few years ago, was mental. Hated doing it, but did it anyway cause it seemed like the thing to do. Now, I race for me. I like the atmosphere, meeting new people, riding different courses, traveling, having a goal, and pushing myself to new limits. It's fun for me.

Matt - been speaking to Rodd about your rides - I'll be there! Just not tonight. I got a beauty of a nice one in this morning over in QC.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a challange Mr OBR, meet me at the OK coral (GP gate)at sun-up Saturday May 9th

Peter V

Sandro said...

Hmmm, you look for someone faster? That should't be too difficult :-D .

the original big ring said...

Sandro - ouch! ; )

Peter - would love to, but I've got an O-cup at Albion that weekend. You in training for your solo?


Big Bikes said...

Careful what you ask for.
Last week I went on a "fast guy ride". When you advertise something like that you wind up with a contingent of knuckleheads who elbow you out of the way for the holeshot, then proceed to crash into every rock and tree in sight, then they get really tired and red in the face and crash into more rocks and trees, then swear about it and make excuses for why they aren't faster than you.

Seek out the quiet types. Those that are the cycling equivalent of mass murderers.