Wanted

When I was a young punk going through post secondary schooling, get a few drinks into me, and like Forrest Gump's momma use to say, "You never know what you're going to get." Some nights/days I'd be a fun loving drunk, sometimes sloppy fall down drunk, sometimes I'd be the guy grinding away on your hip on the dance floor thinking you were my date, but most times I'd be a surly drunk looking to pick a fight.

I don't know why . . . I don't remember why . . . . I was stupid (some might say that I still am), young and I was drunk. But leave it to me to go find the biggest, meanest looking bastard in the bar and end up picking a fight with him (sometimes her). And nine times out of ten I'd end up on the floor getting the boots put to me. One time out of ten, I'd get the first shot in, miss, fall down, wet myself, and pass out. What can I say, I'm a lover, not a fighter.

I got to thinking about my drinking/fighting days on the way home from my ride yesterday. Not sure why. I was dead tired. Which, a little off topic . . . want to know a sure sign that you worked your arse off? How fast do you spin home? My cool down yesterday was pretty s-l-o-w . . . . as I was saying, I got to thinking about picking fights.

Well, I'm looking to pick a fight with the fastest, meanest bastard in the Ottawa area who will ride with me in the Gats. I'm convinced that I won't get much faster than I've been in earlier years on my own. It's easy to stop pushing yourself if you're hurting. I'm convinced that to become a better/faster rider, you need to ride with better and faster riders. [*disclaimer: that's not to say my old riding buddies are old & slow]
So, who wants to dance?

Go ahead, make my day.
Be aware, I tend to end up bringing a knife to a gun fight.

This is someone's chance to make me their beeatch. Not like in the prison sense (I don't float my boat that way sailor), but someone who regularly has a bad day and wants to kick the proverbial dog (please, kick my arse, not your dog's), someone who is into a little S&M, someone who enjoys watching someone else suffer.

I'd really rather prefer it that you're female if you are going to show for the ride dressed like this. And, I don't really want to be tied up - it's harder to pedal and breath.

I'm looking for someone who is going to push me to ride faster, work me to get up the hill, tell me what I am doing wrong, but also wait at the top. You can yell at me, you can spray me with water, you can call me names, taunt and tease.
Interested?

I'm serious. Applicants please e-mail me.