You're doing it all wrong

What do all the chowder-heads below all have in common?

Tubby Thom

Gluttonous Goat

Portly Peter

The Substantial Soiled Chamois

Roly Poly Racin Rick

These chumps, suckas, dopes, nincompoops, goobers, schelps, lummoxs . . . . they're all doing it wrong. You see, if you've ever visited any of their blogs, you'd be more than aware of their "issues" with weight. More specifically, trying to lose it for riding season. Pfffftt . . .

Don't get me wrong, I don't agree that any of them need to lose any weight . . . I love each and every one of them as they are.
Grwwwwwwwrrrrr . . . they're all so shhhhhexy.
But weight, or how we perceive our own weight, is relative and often based on personal perception of what we 'think' we should weigh. I get it. I was there.
I fought the problem. I struggled through the cravings, the mid-night trips to the fridge, the justifying eating foods that I shouldn't be eating, the stealing co-workers food from the staff room, hiding stashes of food, pizza shops on speed dial, buying chocolate by the pallet, the feelings of guilt then the depriving myself, the dieting.


No more I say. NO MORE.

What I have finally figured out is to cease fighting the problem and to embrace my flabby folds with two pudgy hands and wiggly giggly open arms.
If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, sounds like a duck . . . . then it must be a duck.
Or . . . a Clydesdale.

I'm sick. Been sick since Saturday. Feel like crap.
That is all.

Getting Dressed

Bundle up kiddies, it's cold outside riding the bike.

Cranked

Crank High Voltage . . . I never saw it, but it looked stooopid. I do like dudes Mr. T starter kit though - one can never have too many gold chains.

If watching movies has taught me anything it's that I can attach jumper cables to my nipples and tongue and things will be okay . . . which I may have to do in order to get through three days of racing in September. I 'm all signed up and cranked for Crank the Shield.

Crank The Shield - 3 day, 235 km mtn bike stage race on September 17-19, 2010

Recipe for a sore arse

Recipe For A Sore Arse Hole-ee-o

Hour One:
15 min warm up (180 + watts)
15 min single leg drills (1 min left, 1 min right, 1 min both, repeat)
15 min steady endurance pace
15 min tempo riding
Hour Two:
big gear, low cadence work = 4 x 10 min of big ring followed by 5 minutes of recovery (1st set 70 rpm, 2nd set 65 rpm, 3rd set 60 rpm, 4th set 55 rpm)
Hour Three:
ladder effort - 1 min hard, 1 min easy, 2 min hard, 2 min easy, 3 min hard, 3 min easy, 4 min hard, 4 min easy, 5 min hard, 5 min easy . . . . repeat.

spin, spin, spin . . . my ass hurts, my ass hurts, my ass hurts

I would have much rather have joined Matt and the fellas on this ride Sunday, however family commitment and lack of time were not on my side. I had also used up my "Pass" Saturday riding out in KL.

just over half way done

death from above

allez mutha fugger, allez

good gwad - my poor stem cap has to look at this

energy output . . . does the means justify the end?
Fugging right it does.

Didn't last the full three hours as I hoped for as I had to finish up early to help with a napping Peanut. Still, not a bad effort for my first three hour training ride of the winter.

Winter Single Track Slalomy Fun

I got out for my first ride out in Kanata Lakes in almost five months this past Saturday. Being away nearly all Fall and being somewhat of a winter riding whimp, I've steered clear of riding the bike in the outdoors. However, after reading about Matt's and the Vegan Vagabond's experiences I had to get out and see for myself.

Kenda Nevegal 2.1s plowed through the snow with ease.

Winter provides riding opportunities to go where you wouldn't normally ride (ie. a swampy pond), unless of course you had a snorkel and a propensity for mosquitoes and leeches. I used a 32 x 22 combo for two reasons. First, it's February . . . I don't have the leg strength to push a big gear for two hours (sad), and two, you don't want to over torque trying to spin a big gear on a climb or rise cause you'll spin out easily while on snow and ice. Weighting (something I have plenty of) the bike is more important while winter riding keeping your traction.

It's been so long since I've been on the diSSent . . . . I love riding this bike.
I managed to get in about two hours of riding in KL - riding everything that was ridable on both sides of the tracks.

In the past I've always been hesitant to ride suspension in the cold for fear of fugging with the internal tid bits and messing up some expensive equipment. Now that I am only riding rigid, no worries.
There was a range of trail conditions which went from hard packed luge-like runs to some infrequently traveled trails, the latter were a bit more challenging to navigate. Low air pressure (easy with the tubeless) with Kenda Nevegals 2.1s gave plenty of bite to climb nearly everything. Studded tires were certainly not necessary, but would have added to the control factor in some icy, cornery sections. I found that I had to gingerly control the bike in some sections, mostly on corners, and only went down once . . . but it's snow, so meh.




What really inspired me to get out on the trails was my buddy's, Fritz's, ride video from last week. My experience was pretty much the same on Saturday - fast and flowy fun. Lack of snow and warm temperatures and rain have really buffed the trails.

R.I.P. Uxbridge Icebreaker

R.I.P.
The Uxbridge Icebreaker is no more (clicky clicky for details).

101 & Spanking

I'm going back.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

I'm 99.9% sure that I am confirmed for this race. Went to register for the Lumberjack 100 yesterday and learned that it was sold out in 12 hrs. Fugg. Didn't think it'd go that fast. Was really looking forward to it - 99% single track over 100 miles (three 33 mile loops). I really dig the 100 mile format. Nothing that long up here unfortunately. 100 miles . . . 160 kilometres. It's not a race for me, cause let's face it I can't compete with the 'hundie' cult followers down in the States - they're all freakishly fast. It's rather a very long day in the saddle riding epic trails with good people all around you. If you've never done one, you don't know what you are missing. I may have one more 100 miler in the states that I may be able to swing that I don't have to drive a billion miles to get to. There's also this 50 mile race that I wanted to do last year that I may get to this fall as well.

I was pretty sure that I was going to be doing the Tran-Sylvania Epic, but money is THE issue right now. If I can sell this (won't someone buy it please) and possibly some not-so-important organs to scientific research labs, it may be do-able.

Spank the Monkey

Another big race I have my eye and wallet on is Crank The Shield. This will be the third year for it and after all of last year's reports it sounds wickedly awesome. Three day stage race in September - my favourite time of year to ride. Be advised, apparently this year you do have to bring your own monkey.

Chasing Legends

another cycling video to inspire me to get off my ass


trailer

Two face

never ending climb
it did end, cause I'm here . . .right?. . . typing . . .
. . . . unless I gave up and turned around and came home

Like I said before, all my symmetrical clothing needs are labeled.
Right?
You are correct.

left side: 20 mins into ski - you might say feeling 'fresh'
right side: 45 minutes later - you wouldn't say the same thing

beauty night for a ski
late afternoon/early evening, hardly anyone in the park
the snow was bitterly cold making skating very, very, very, very, very slow
it was even slower considering it was my legs and arms flailing about to keep me choreographed to the beat of my rapid pulse

go no gas commute crotch shot

a little commute to the grocery store the other day in minus 24 degree weather

to test out the first ride on the new/old build 'go no gas' bike

my crotch for your viewing pleasure

in the hood - bad ass

If it weren't for acid junkies I'd be a nobody

I was over on Stat Counter the other day, you know, checking my stats . . . seeing how many people love me.

They should really call it something else. Something more related to a tracking mechanism that provides a sense of worth to low self-esteem ridden individuals, like me. Really, why would I need to keep track of how many people come to my site? So that I can adjust my marketing team to better represent Dearborn, Michigan residents in my sales ads in order to increase revenue? The only reason anyone with a blog has a stat counter-type-dealie is to check on how many people visit their site so that they can feel good about themselves and decide whether or not it's worth getting out of bed in the morning to sit in front of the computer to hammer out some sort of drivel that might keep lesser educated minds entertained for a fraction of a minute with the daily ongoings of their mundane life.

Some pathetic lonesome souls who don't have stat counter/tracker things use Crackbook and Titter accounts. It's all the same.

Someone had to say it.

But it's true. It's true for me at least.

clicky clicky for just how awesome I am

So what I've discovered that most of my hits that I get to my blog are from first time viewers, specifically searching out one image that I happen to put up about two years ago. Let's do a little experiment. In your search engine, type "LSD". After getting your responses, click on images.
Here, I'll do it for you you lazy sods. Clicky clicky (read the fine print url address under the first image).

That's right. The first image you get in the list of LSD photos is directly linked back to me. How? Why? Probably has to do with me stealing that same image from somewhere else a long time ago and used it as a half assed humorous attempt at being funny to describe a "long, slow, distance" ride.

Depressing really . . . that the reason my stats are so high is because dope heads, tweeters, users, stoners, crack heads, burnouts and druggies world wide are looking for images of acid (LSD for you unedumicated) to try lick off their computer monitors. I don't dare take it off of my blog because it'd most likely cause me to take a nose dive off a high building.

WTB Rocket V Saddle

WTB Rockey V saddle - it's been my favourite saddle for a few years now being the only saddle that I've ridden on all my mtn bikes. (I've also got a Silverado on my CX bike which I love)
It's light, uber duber comfy and durable.
Best part, no weight restrictions for hefty fat guys.

Alas, nothing lasts forever. I've gotten my money's worth from this saddle twice-over, so I have no complaints.
Well, maybe one.
When will a saddle company begin to make rail replacements for their saddles? Seems like a no brainer to me. I've never had the saddle, padding part of one break - it's always been the rails. How hard would it be to make and provide replacement rails? It's a shame really . . . the cushion has shaped into the curvy'ness of my buttocks and now I'll have to search for a new one to replace and break-in.

There could be the answer: "Made in Taiwan".
I'm joking. Seriously. It'd be easy to say that just because it's made off shore and in a factory probably by some little hands being totally underpaid, over worked . . . and so on and so on. However, being a mass made product with complete control over their assembly line and materials, it seems to me that there would most likely be better control over quality.
So I'll save the jokes.

Notice the grey crap around the break? Being cheap, underpaid, over worked, and cheap I attempted to fix it myself. A little J.B. Weld. I've had some really good success with it in the past, however, it wouldn't hold this.

Ha, ha, ha.
Still joking.
Actually I have a second complaint - which is nothing really, nothing that would keep me away from buying another one, but something that I've seen in the bike industry. Faux Carbon.
Check out the carbon fibre detailing. This little bit of 'carbon fibre' (there's a reason why it's in quotation marks), will supposedly give me 3.6% weight savings to get up hills faster. True.


If it was real carbon fibre wouldn't it be visible in the holes that the screws go into? It also wouldn't be pliable and easily bent, like the plastic piece of faux carbon fibre it is.

Meh. When will the bike industry leaders come knocking on my door to have me help them improve their products, give me loads of free shit and pay me buckets of dough?

Race Across The Sky

The '09 Leadville 100 Race

Watched this last Wednesday night.

Sunday ski